10 Brilliant Excuses to Avoid Mowing the Lawn

1 I’ve found a new species of grass that’s unique to this area and I don’t want to threaten the garden’s biodiversity by cutting off its flower heads just yet. It might be a vital new form of biodiesel.

 2 The weather forecast says it’s not going to rain for a few days, so I just want to make sure the grass doesn’t get stressed. You’re not supposed to mow it in periods of drought.

3 I’m conducting an experiment with meadow flowers – and I want to see which germinates naturally first. It’s probably going to be Taraxacum officinale or Trifolium repens, but I need to wait and see.

4 The mower blades are stuck at 13mm. I don’t want to scalp it in this heat.

5 The grass blades’ intercalary meristems (growth nodes) are looking a bit sluggish today. I think the grass has actually stopped growing.

6 I’ve just ordered some specialist duo-tone lawn spray to get the stripes the right shade of green.

7 I’m just waiting for a phlange sprocket for the mower. The old one’s seized. Probably worn down from overuse.

8 I’m about to apply a lawn weed, feed and mosskiller – I can’t mow for the next 14 days.

9 I’m growing an elaborate unicursal turf maze. It’s going to be an exact life-size replica of the Labyrinth of the Minotaur from ancient Crete.

10 I’m trying to reduce our carbon footprint, and am looking into getting sheep.